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Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

My Spouse Does Not Meet My Needs

“What if I marry someone, then I meet somebody prettier or funnier? What if they don’t fulfill me? I’m afraid I’ll become unsatisfied or discontented.”


“My husband doesn’t meet my needs. You see, I need romance and affection, and my husband just isn’t very affectionate. I need someone who can give me this.”


What’s wrong with these statements? What’s wrong is that each of these individuals has expectations that their marriage partner or future marriage partner should always and continually fulfill them.


Tim Keller, in his book The Meaning of Marriage (which I highly recommend) says,


Both men and women today see marriage not as a way of creating character and community but as a way to reach personal life goals. They are all looking for a marriage partner who will ‘fulfill their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires.’ And that creates an extreme idealism that in turn leads to deep pessimism that you will ever find the right person to marry. This is the reason so many put off marriage and look right past great prospective spouses that simply are ‘not good enough.’


Let me repeat one phrase: “They are all looking for a marriage partner who will ‘fulfill their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires.’”


When we have an expectation that a husband or wife fulfill us, we set ourselves up for disappointment, because no human being can satisfy another human being. To hope that another human can meet our needs is asking too much of anyone. For only Jesus can meet our needs. Only Jesus can satisfy us. Only Jesus can fulfill all our desires.


Expectations are killers.


If you come into a marriage with expectations of the other person, and then they don’t meet those expectations, you will be frustrated and unhappy. Expectations are dangerous and will always disappoint. Unless you have expectations like these – I expect:
  • That my spouse will fail in many ways. 
  • That my spouse will not fulfill my desires. 
  • That my spouse will not always try to please me. 
  • That my spouse may not always understand me. 
  • That my spouse may not always appreciate me. 
  • That my spouse may not love me in the way I would want. 


If your spouse happens to actually appreciate, love or serve you, then praise God! It will be unexpected. The problem comes when we have expectations and then they aren’t met. Here are a few expectations you can cultivate though – of yourself:
  • That I should serve my spouse and lay down my life for her/him. 
  • That I should seek to please my spouse. 
  • That I should try to listen to and understand my spouse. 
  • That I should seek to lay down my life for my spouse. 
  • That I should seek to fulfill his/her desires as best I can. 
  • That I should seek to love my spouse. 


Here’s my suggestion: Don’t look at where your spouse needs to change. Look to where you need to change. Don’t have expectations of your spouse. If you have expectations, place them on yourself.


If anyone has the right to have expectations of us it is Jesus. Ask him what he would like you to do to please your spouse. Ask him to help you and make you the biggest most cheerful servant in the house and not to worry about if anyone is serving you or not.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Jesus Did Not Teach That Homosexuality Is Wrong

We've all heard that tired, old argument: "Jesus never said anything about homosexuality being a sin." The conclusion, then, is that homosexuality is OK. Unfortunately, that kind of logic doesn't hold together when applied to other areas of life.

In math, we learned that 2+2=4. We never had to learn that 2+2=5 is wrong. Once we knew the correct answer, we could therefore assume that any answer other than 4 was incorrect. Just because we weren't taught explicitly that 2+2=5 is wrong didn't mean it was acceptable. We would have certainly had it marked wrong on a test, and no amount of arguing would have changed the teacher's mind.

When approached regarding the issue of marriage, Jesus simply recalled the words of Moses in Genesis 2:24: "
Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6).

Jesus taught us what marriage is, so there really wasn't any need to teach us what marriage is not. If that's the case, then we can safely assume that whatever doesn't match up with his description of marriage is wrong.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Why Should We Care About the Definition of Marriage?

With all the drama surrounding Chick-Fil-A, the need is made increasingly apparent for Christians to continue to lovingly and resolutely declare God’s design for marriage.

Now, I’m not at all talking about politicking, putting our hope in government, or going all chicken-little about the moral failure of our country. God is sovereign, and our hope is in Christ alone. But I am talking about speaking God’s Word into the situations He places you in. It’s likely that as you seek to be a good steward of the Truth of God that has been entrusted to you, and a witness of it amongst your unbelieving friends, you’ll enter into the discussion of why the issue even matters to Christians anyway. Why do we care? What’s all the fuss about? I mean, why can’t we grant the same rights to two consenting adults who want to make a commitment to each other for life?

Not Just Because Homosexuality is a Sin

One answer you might be ready to give is that we Christians care about preventing the legalization of homosexual “marriage” because the Bible clearly states that homosexuality is sinful. Since the Bible is the inspired, inerrant, and infallible Word of God, and our sole authority for all matters of life and godliness (2Pet 1:3-4), we must accept its word as binding.

It’s hardly worth arguing that the Bible doesn’t forbid homosexuality. Proponents of that argument simply don’t have a leg to stand on. It’s clear that Scripture condemns homosexuality as sinful (Lev 18:22; Rom 1:25-27; 1Cor 6:9-10), and just as all other sins it is worthy of death (Rom 6:23). It is a mark of rebellion, and those who practice it will not inherit the kingdom of God, but along with the rest of those who persist in their sin “their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Rev 21:8).

And since the purpose of the civil government is to promote the general good and well-being of society and to restrain the evil therein to the best of its ability (Gen 9:6-7; Rom 13:3-4), we believe the government shouldn’t sanction that which the Lord of the Universe expressly forbids. Violating God’s Word is never the best thing for any society, as long as Jesus is Lord.

But having said all that, I’m saying don’t give that answer. At least, don’t give just that answer.

Not Just Because God Himself Defines Marriage as Heterosexual

Another answer you might be ready to give is that we Christians care about preventing the legalization of homosexual “marriage” because God Himself is the One who created marriage, who performed the first marriage (Gen 2:18, 21-22), and He Himself defines marriage as being between only one man and one woman. And as God is the Lord of the Universe, we must accept His Word. Here’s what He says:

Then Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” … So Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

God purposed to make a companion suitable to Adam when it became apparent that there was no fitting match among the creatures of the earth. And He sovereignly caused Adam to sleep deeply, Himself took one of Adam’s ribs and fashioned it into a woman, and then presented the man with his bride. God did not make another man from Adam’s rib, but made awoman. In God’s mind, only a woman was a “helper suitable for him.”

So when a Pharisee asks Jesus about divorce, it’s not an accident that the Lord of the Universe prefaces His comment on divorce by underscoring that God made humanity as “male and female” (Matt 19:4). God did not make us only male, or only female. He intentionally designed that a man shall leave his family and be joined to his wife, and thatthese two — this man and wife — should become one flesh (Matt 19:5). He does not speak of a man leaving his parents to be joined to his husband, but his wife.

And so the very definition of marriage from the Creator of (and thus, the authority on) marriage is that it be between one man and one woman. To sit quietly by, then, while our government — which we have been blessed with the right to participate in as (at least what used to be) a democratic republic — in rebellious, treasonous fashion seeks to redefine that given definition would itself be an act of treason against our King.

And yet having said all that, I’m saying don’t give that answer. At least, don’t give just that answer.

Because It’s a Matter of the Clarity of the Gospel

If we’re going to speak into this situation with any sort of prophetic voice (read: having a Biblical impact), we need to give the reasons why homosexuality is a sin, and why God has defined marriage between one man and one woman.

Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful, and glorious institution. But the truth is that marriage isnot those things in and of itself. God has designed marriage to be a symbol, or a picture, that points to something greater than itself. And it is only so wonderful, beautiful, and glorious because of that something greater that it points to: the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That is, after man rebelled against God in the Garden by sinning against Him, their sin separated them from God and subjected them to spiritual death. Because no human being could ever atone for his sin, the Father lovingly sent His Son Jesus to live the life we should have lived and to die the death we should have died, so that everyone who trusts in Him alone for their righteousness before God should not suffer eternal punishment, but should be saved. And of all those whom the Father has given to the Son, He will lose none. He will never forsake His bride, but will always live to make intercession for them (Heb 7:25).

Marriage is an institution set up by God with a specific purpose: to glorify Him (to make much of Him) by magnifying that relationship of covenant-keeping grace that exists between Christ and His Bride, the Church.

In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul gives us the most amazing, breathtaking instruction on marriage in all of Scripture. There, he quotes Genesis 2:24, just like Jesus did in Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:7-8: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Then, the very next thing he says is, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”

Let that sink in. He is speaking about marriage with reference to Christ and the church. Keep that in mind as we consider other things he’s said in the passage.

Earlier, Paul was giving the Ephesian church instruction on how to conduct themselves in their marriages. He basically lays out a plan of loving headship on the husband’s part (Eph 5:25-30) and respectful submission on the wife’s part (Eph 5:22-24). Now, what is absolutelyastounding is the reasons he gives for why a husband must lovingly serve his wife and why a wife must respectfully submit to her husband.

  • Ephesians 5:22-23 – Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
  • Ephesians 5:24 – But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
  • Ephesians 5:25-27 – Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
  • Ephesians 5:28-30 – He who loves his own wife loves himself;for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,because we are members of His body.

This is absolutely staggering. Throughout Paul’s instruction on marriage, the basis for his commands is the work of Christ in His relationship with the Church. The Gospel is why husbands must love their wives and wives must submit to their husbands!

What is this all telling us? It’s substantiating the claim I made above: that marriage is a picture, or a parable, of Christ and the Church — of the Gospel of Christ’s covenant-keeping grace with a people to whom He has committed Himself, and who have committed themselves to Him. When Paul says that “This mystery is great,” and then tells us that he’s speaking about Christ and the Church, he’s establishing that marriage is designed to point us to the Gospel: that precious Good News that has saved us from sin, wrath, just punishment, fruitlessness, and a wasted life; that precious Good News that has gotten our sin out of the way so that we can enjoy fellowship with our Creator and Redeemer, “His face forever to behold” as He dwells among His people in love in the Paradise of the New Creation.

This is why Christians should be opposed to the legalizing of homosexual “marriage”: because itmars the picture of that precious Gospel that marriage is designed to be. If marriage is given to us in order to point us to the reality of Christ’s covenant-keeping grace with His people, and if the husband pictures Christ and the wife pictures the Church, then any tampering with those participants confuses and obfuscates the Gospel.

And that’s what should get our dander up. Not tax breaks. Not nomenclature. Not social agendas. The Gospel. Make sure the people you’re having these conversations with leave knowing the difference. And if they don’t know whythe Gospel is so precious to us, why it’s such a treasure, why it’s to be so rigorously defended and protected…

Tell them.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Marriage is...

8 Bullet Points about marriage from Tim Challies:

According to the Bible, marriage is…

…Instituted by God, Uniting One Man and One Woman

Matthew 19:4-6 - “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ [Genesis 2:24]? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

…A Portrait of Christ and His Bride, the Church

Ephesians 5:31-32 - “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ [Genesis 2:24]. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

…To Be Honored

Hebrews 13:4 - “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

…A Source of Trouble, Divided Interests, and Anxiety

1 Corinthians 7:28, 33-34 - “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. … But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”

…Not Every Person’s Calling

1 Corinthians 7:7-8 - “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”

…Meant to Be Permanent in This Life

Mark 10:11-12 - “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (cf. Luke 16:18; Matthew 19:8-9; Romans 7:2-3)

…Impermanent in Eternity

Matthew 22:30 - “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” (cf. Mark 12:25; Luke 20:35-36)

…Fulfilled In Christ’s Return

Revelation 19:6-9 -

“Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

‘Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure’—

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God.’”

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Stop Submitting to Men

Russell Moore: “Those of us who hold to so-called “traditional gender roles” are often assumed to believe that women should submit to men. This isn’t true. Indeed, a primary problem in our culture and in our churches isn’t that women aren’t submissive enough to men, but instead that they are far too submissive.”

Keep Reading...

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

For Christian Men: The Lessons of Herman Cain

Dr. Albert Mohler (President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary):

Herman Cain “suspended” his campaign for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination on Saturday, ending one of the most interesting political campaigns of recent years. Cain’s energy and ideas had catapulted him into the front ranks of Republican candidates, even though he had never previously run for any national political office. This unlikely candidate ran an unconventional campaign that collapsed under the weight of unusual developments. In a matter of minutes, it was over.

Keep Reading

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Two Parents, Two Legacies, Two Epitaphs

Here is the entire Biblical testimony, direct and indirect, about one parent:

Paul came also to Derbe and to Lystra. A disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer... (Acts 16:1a)

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well (2 Timothy 1:5)

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 3:14-15)

Here is the entire Biblical testimony, direct and indirect, about the other parent:

...but his father was a Greek. (Acts 16:1b)

Discussion, conclusions, thoughts?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Holding Hands

This is a beautiful story.

"An Iowa couple who was married for 72 years died one hour apart last week in the hospital as they held hands."